13 Ways to Increase Intimacy Without S-E-X

The other day I googled "what happens when you stare into someone's eyes for 7 minutes" -  uhhh just another moment of procrastination in my world....I be on waves when I'm home working alone, or any other time every really. 

I came across this video watched it and cried. I began thinking of how intimate that connection would be and what a special tool purposefully looking into someone's eyes is. What if we could all cultivate better connection with one another and how understanding we'd become.  This would basically lead to no one taking anything personally, as a collective we'd employ the 4 agreements and world peace would dominate! 

 I also began thinking of who I could do that with?! Who could I make fall in love with me after just 7 minutes? Annnnnd since things are pretty dry and dusty in terms of romance my way ( at times I think I may perish from lack of romantic interaction/stimulation yet somehow here I am living another day) I decided to share this with all of you.  

Enjoy my suggestions of creating intimacy without sex. My intention is that it leads to a deeper connection between whomever is involved and a greater understanding that we are all one. G'head fall in love on my dime folks it's only right. 

1.  Look into each others eyes for 7 minutes. 

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I'm not here to entertain (that's a lie). I'm here to spread a message. So, yes, this one is first. Just do it. Find a comfortable spot. I mean if you're in NYC you can do weird stuff anywhere. Preferably a spot that you and the other person are alone. No using outside distractions to take away from the initial awkwardness. You can play music but don't be extra with it. Like don't sing and laugh to distract from the fact that you are uncomfortable with someone REALLY looking at you. Eyes are the windows to the soul. Pull the curtains back shorty. 

2. Massages! 

This can be BETTER than sex if you're me. You don't have to get all oiled up but, damnit I suggest you do!  With candles. Make a playlist and make it one with out commercials. That $9.99 a month is really worth uninterrupted vibes. 

Platonically this is important to. I am a major advocate for physical TOUCH. Connection on so many levels happens when someone lays a nonthreatening and caring hand on our shoulder. Stress melts, we feel safer, we feel grounded, and are reminded we aren't alone. So many of us independent hustlaz go days without meaningful touch. Massages also help our bodies to release toxins and suppressed emotion. Massage has positive psychological affects and increases endorphin secretion. A quick shoulder rub helps to break down built up lactic acid so our muscles stay flexible and don't turn to stone and you aren't a stiff old geezer when you grow up. That's real. TOUCH PEOPLE! 

3.  Create a collaborative playlist and host your own music festival.

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Lol dead ass I'm a genius. So most streaming services allow you to create playlists and allow others to collaborate with you. Spend a week or so contributing to this joint list. You can decide on a theme or just go HAM and have it be an all inclusive list. Once the playlist is complete get together and listen together.  You can take a portable speaker and have a picnic with your playlist or cook something together using it as a soundtrack. If you want to get hella old school sit down with refreshments and or intoxicants of your choice and play the songs on your list explaining why you chose each one. 

This is obviously stupid romantic but can be done with a group of friends and played at gatherings. My friends and I have a collaborative playlist called "Aziz Sleeps" because it was started at one of our hangouts while Aziz was napping. 

4.  Cook for each other.

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This doesn't have to to feel forced or be done at the same time. If you really aren't into cooking, purchase your fav. dish and plate it. Most things made by someone else, albeit a glass of juice, usually taste better just because you didn't have to prepare it. 

Eating is a form of receiving. Cooking for someone opens up a channel for exchange. It is a non-verbal way of communicating to the other person that you have their back and can care for them.  If you dare go the extra mile and ask them what they enjoy eating before you prepare food for them GOD BLESS YA! 

5.  Hold hands.

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Platonic or romantic just do this. You walking together as a united front against the world speaks volumes and provides an energetic current of connection. Physical touch is a very important component of deep connection. It also plays a crazy positive part in our development. 

6. Workout together.

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Sweat it out and encourage each other. You don't have to do the same exercises but partnering up to do something so beneficial for your body is a real bonding experience. Doing something so positive that increases all those happy hormones will have you gazing into your partners eyes in bliss. Activities that contribute to your overall wellbeing in general are extremely beneficial to do with your partner.  

Ladies, I know it may feel uncomfortable af to workout with a man.  Just do it. Honestly, fuck your hair, don't worry about makeup. You are the prize. I know you wanna have a cute workout outfit on so g'head and do that but don't worry about sweating or smelling. Those pheromones be poppin' hottie! Your glow will be natural and unmatched. If you really aren't trying to go without makeup - schedule your workout for later in the day and even if you didn't just come from a thing act like you just came from a thing, or work, and change into gym clothes with a full beat. We'll work on you being comfortable sans makey in another post. 

7. Participate in each other's favorite activity. 

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Hopefully yaa have more than one hobby but choose a couple to do together. Seeing the other person in their element will give you a better understanding of them. Seeing real passion in their eyes...well you can decide what to do with that. Allowing someone to be involved in something you enjoy doing will hopefully create happy memories for you.

8.  Talk about REAL SHIT.

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CUT THE SMALL TALK, homes. Here is a list of 36 questions to help you fall in love. Use this with as many people as you'd like. Fall in love over and over. Romantic, platonic, whatever BE in LOVE.

9. Meditate together. 

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Quiet time + a beneficial activity for your well-being + space for your higher selves to connect = PURE GOLD INTIMACY!   
Fire up a guided meditation or some good 'ol fashioned spa music, dim the lights, light some incense and or candles, grab your favorite crystal and ride out papa. Stay alert for my meditations for the culture being released SOON!

10. Randomly send positive text messages.

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 I had to be extra. Sue meh. But yea it's a dope gesture and a fun way to connect regardless of distance. You never know the impact on that funny meme or gif in the middle of the day or just sending a smiley face emoji will have. Send a link to the song you have on repeat or a picture of the fly lunch spot you had share your world. Send them love and a positive thought or two.  You figga deal me? 

11. Pray for and or send them love on a regular basis. 

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YEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!! Need I say more?  

12. Cultivate a hobby together.

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It's wonderful to support each other's hobbies but when you find a collective project or hobby to equally contribute to you're a real TEAM!  Find your thing and allow yourselves to equally participate.  

13. Mutual Grooming. 

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Oh just another way for me to touch you. So you're starting to see a theme here huh?  For my platonic friends, it doesn't have to be weird. Keep in mind that greasing someone's scalp will have you connected for years to come so part that crown at your own risk.  Brush his beard, moisturize his face. I'm setting this up for the fellas but this suggestion is ultimately gender neutral. 

Original ideas from thy mind of WokeBae™

When you try these please let me know how it goes. We're in this together. 

xo,

L

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Discomfort Is My Job

I am really in the THIQQ of it cherubs. Just here to give an update. Just keep swimming. 

"How are you?" ft. Luke Purnell

I'd like to share a magical -yet humbling- moment I experienced on Tuesday morning. 

The day following my last day of work I hopped on a plane to Ohio to visit my family. It was a a trip I planned prior to my decision and was a welcomed change of scenery. I wasn't sure what "the day after" would be like and I was happy to have a trip to distract me from my new day to day.  During the trip I visited my sister, Leslie, and brother, Luke, at their office (they work together...I know, how dope?! I have hella FOMO). While I was there my brother jokingly said "This is a job do you know what that is?" -Let's take a moment...That shit was actually hilarious and we clown non-stop- I laughed but inside I was hella sensitive.  You see my brother has created a really wonderful life for himself. I am so beyond happy for and proud of him for where he is and he's someone I really admire. He's a brilliant being, thriving in his career, married to a beautiful woman who is also his best friend, an amazing father to my heart in human form, handsome, with great friendships, he is out here doin' the damn thing!  The kicker is that he is my younger brother and sometimes I fear that I disappoint him by living my truth which isn't always easily understood nor linear or even logical to most. I live in a constant state of the x-factor and endless possibility.  I'm aware that this decision especially isn't something that people do often and people who love you can worry about your wellbeing.  All in all there was this insecurity in me that was magnified with my recent choices. I felt like I couldn't explain myself well enough for anyone to understand and having the support and confidence of my siblings was really important to me. I just decided that one day it will all make sense and it wasn't my job to clarify it for others when I'm still working on it my damn self. 

See now here's where the humbling comes in, the plot twist.

Fast forward to NYC on Tuesday morning (my first real day of being self-employed/freelance) and I get a text from my Luke:

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Hahahaha "Wonderfully" aka "I'm here sitting on my couch wondering wtf do I even do now."
One thing I learned is to clarify, which is why I asked him if he's worried or just checking in. Like I said my sensitivity was heightened around this decision and brought up insecurities I hadn't been paying much mind to. I assumed he had been worrying about me because he didn't understand what I'm doing. Well damn son was I WRONG! I mean who am I to assume I know his POV or what he has seen or learned during his evolution? After listening to his voice note I felt like a real asshole, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and YA KNOW I CRIED! I felt so understood and comforted in that moment. I also felt damn humbled like "bitch, whatchu thought?!"

Have a listen:

Ya see, we often go through things as adults and continue to see our family members as they were when we were young. We assume we know their perspective based on what we knew of them as children and how we view their current life. My wish is that you get to know the family in your life, the ones you love, as they are NOW. What kind of people are they?  What is their real story? Let them tell it. I'm sure it will surprise you. I, of course, will be doing the same. 

Be Well,

L

What In Samhell Is Goin' On Here?!

Before we really get into this let THE RECORD SHOW that I am in no way, shape, or form, telling you to do one ounce of what I have done, am doing, or will do. I hope my life serves as a constant reminder that you don't have to be doing anything anyone else is doing. Your path is just that, yours. There are so many memes and songs and videos of people PREACHING. Shit, not everyone is an entrepreneur, not everyone is tryin' to GRIND, and NO ONE really knows what the hell they're doing. So chill fam. Take a real step back and allow your higher self to guide you. Basically, don't follow me I'm lost too. We're just in this together.

Like to hear it, here it goes....

My life is pretty amazing. I've spent a lot of time working on myself and manifesting a really wonderful work environment. Check this vid to get a very small piece of what wonderful souls my days were filled with. 

So this is not on some I hate my job I'm out tip. This is I love this and it's so comfortable that I know I could wake up 15 years later and be here parlayin' still operating my brand on a part time basis tip so I have to take this leap.  

I'd planned to resign 2 other times before this one and the most recent was supposed to be last July. It was time people! 

As insane as this felt in some ways there was some part of me that just knew this was the right decision and I have been living off that confidence ever since I handed in my resignation. That one little sliver of "fuck fear, leap and the net will appear" is what has me here right now bustin' my journey wide for all to see.  

TBH I really didn't know what else to do. I mean I have worked for YEARS on different ventures and pursued different projects and done well but nothing really popped off. I was being true to myself in all of that but I have been constantly working, deadass, for 6 years straight. Working a 9-5 (and doing it well), serving as a union delegate, hosting events, teaching classes, coaching clients, making natural body products, creating content, writing 2 books, sharing my journey, sending in-spē out every morning, recording the podcast, etc. All while having a social life, a weird dating life, and working on my inner self. Bruh, WTF?! One day I just said "ENOUGH! I'm done doing all this shit and still living paycheck to paycheck.  -See I feel like there is this message in society that tells us "If you work hard enough you'll achieve your dreams." I say, "FUCK That!" The work it doesn't have to be hard it can be. It doesn't have to be. It's a sham. You mean to tell me that the man I knew who walked 40 minutes to and from a shitty job all his life didn't work hard enough? Because you just said if you work hard enough you'll achieve your dreams, right? Yea aiight then! Some people stay feeling like if they are stressed, busy, tired, and being punished by life they are somehow supposed to be looked up to. Nah, I'm not here for that. I'm here to look inside myself and find that confidence to do something different. See that in itself is a challenge and it's scary and it's lonely af. I feel all those things on a daily basis but I continue because the reward in all of this is that I am going for mine. I decided to stop this hampster wheel that I was on all in the name of this false, VERY FALSE, sense of security. That's why I'm here. I decided that this is my story, I'm 32 and one day I'd wake up at 60 and wonder why I never took the leap and would look back on myself-much like I do on old pics of myself now- and shake my head and say, "If I only knew how dope I was back then." 

This is also the first ever decision I've made 100% on my own. Now THAT was empowering af. Yea, in all my life I have truly never made a real life changing decision without someone else's input. I didn't even realize that until I was contemplating actually resigning and I decided not to consult anyone because I felt it opened the possibility to be more confused and I've learned you are the one who truly knows what's best for you. Even if no one else can see your vision, that's cool they aren't supposed to. Your windows to the soul are your windows to the soul. 

Food for thought: From the moment you can talk people ask you your name then any one of these questions depending your age- 

"How old are you?"
"What grade are you in?"
"What college do you go to?"
"What do you do?

That is how we learn to define ourselves and if we don't have an answer that fits inside that box you really question your worth and identity.  

Questions I've been asking myself in this first week of independence:
What DO you do?
Who are you without a job title?
What does this Lauren dress like?
What does this Lauren do during the day?
How does this Lauren conduct herself in public?

See when you don't have the possibility of loosing your job the world looks different. I didn't even realize how different b/c I've worked for someone since I was 12.  Every job title has made up a significant part of my identity. 

I'm still answering all those questions but it's fun! I feel like I am creating a new identity for myself that is not made with the influence of another.  That is ultimate freedom for me, someone who lived there life in fear of offending someone or being too much.  The possibilities are endless. 

One thing I am SURE of is that I'm not here to be normal or play small. I believe we live many lifetimes, that there are different dimensions, no such thing as time, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and magik beyond our comprehension. So to be worried about this one move in my life is laughable. Nothing in my life has been ordinary thus far so I stopped trying to stuff myself into boxes and definitions. I is who I is I'ma be who I be. 

  I wrote this to a dear friend when I was 15. She just found it and send this to me. UNIVERSE SPEAKS! 

I wrote this to a dear friend when I was 15. She just found it and send this to me. UNIVERSE SPEAKS! 

I'm sure I left a lot unsaid because I have been thinking of what I'm going to write for a week now and most of this isn't it hahaha. Please leave questions in the comments or send me the question through the 'Link Up' tab.  Thank you for reading. I love you. 

It's Only Just Begun....

Press play to set the mood.

First things first.  I am going to share any and everything I feel comfortable sharing while respecting the privacy of others in my life. The only real subject of this 'Tell All' is moi. I truly feel that sharing my journey and lessons will lend inspiration and support to anyone reading. My hope is that exposure to my perspective will cause you to explore the magical side of life and feel comfort. Me being me will give you more confidence to be your YOUEST YOU! I am going to be as completely candid as I possibly can so we can all learn and evolve to the max yo! 

I do need you to understand I am no amateur story teller. I come correct with videos, pictures, links, voice notes, and charts when necessary.  I ain't new to this I stay true to this.

 

This week I'll be sharing:

Why I felt like this was the next step.
My recent trips to Ohio and all the heals that have been going down. 
Seeing my brother for the first time in 6 years.
My sister, Leslie, telling me to "FUCK OFF" and how proud I am of her *humbling ass moment alert*
Conversations with my brother, Luke, and how I single storied the hell out of him *humbling ass moment alert*
Random events that you should all know about.

 

That all being said....shall we?
 

Realest Sh*t I Ever Wrote

Here is my open txt message to the world. My latest revelation. This is my truth. I am high off my new found strength and freedom. I truly believe that as woman healing ourselves we heal every woman that has come before and will come after us. I won't stop.You are your only limitation. 

 

Theme song for this revelation is
Freedom- City Fidelia

 

Lately I've had to really step outside my comfort zone w these pics and that photoshoot and all this stuff. Like it is honestly one of the hardest things for me to do bc it's so fucking triggering of my body image issues and shit. I had this thing where I felt like 'damn I don't wanna be all desperate looking out here trying to be like look at me.' I never talk about this bc i know it's irrational af. Like it was really all in my head but I was still dealing w it. Trying to balance the self criticism and fear others will see the parts of me I find hard to embrace.  I'd always find sources of strength and shit and just play it off. I've always managed to make it look like a breeze, do just enough that no one would ever suspect I felt this way. Recently I couldn't hide from it anymore. I know I'm meant to be in the public eye in some shape or form like even on a small scale but i knew in order to make moves I needed more marketing material of all kinds so that meant pics of me. In order for my message to be more impactful I had to present myself to the world differently. This next level was requiring a different me.  It has been sooo hard letting go of my limiting beliefs about myself being photographed. And these past couple weeks...boyyyyyyeee Ive been dealing w it and tonight on IG I  saw this dope makeup artist shining and this amazing poet gleaming! I thought to myself... if the deep kids were afraid to feel and write poems and share how would we enjoy their work or learn to express ourselves or if the creative kids were afraid to be too creative or the bold people afraid to be too bold or the funny people afraid to make us laugh etc. Legit seeing myself from a different angle and realizing I've been afraid to be too much. But by being afraid I've deprived myself of the joy of being myself in this world, and as most wouldn't be able to tell, I second guess and hold back bc i do a great job of pretending to be bold in this area but I'm not so it's been a struggle but now I'm not going to have to force myself. I'm gunna flow w it bc I've let that bullshit go. Im here and I always encourage others to be their most bold authentic self in everything so of course I do my best to push myself.  These past few weeks have been tough as I have finally faced my fear and embrace my gifts. Tonight though, I have such a different perspective and I'm here to shine and enjoy it for me. I am no longer fighting hard and doing it b/c I have to. Now when you see me shine it wasn't despite feeling small and scared inside. I'm here to flourish. Now watch me work. 

Love Always,

@limitlesslauren 

P.s. hit me up and tell me what you do to step outside of your comfort zone. 

14 Days of Self-Love Challenge

 Self-Love is the foundation of how all other love reflects back to us. If our love for self is strong it is easier for us to realize and live out our deepest desires. 

Here's how it works:

Each day on IG I will be posting a prompt.  You DO NOT have to follow the prompt. They are simply there to give you an idea.  The goal is to post something you love about yourself for 14 days straight.  Not only are you posting positivity you are able to explore the ways you enjoy yourself.  Focusing on the things you love about yourself turns into appreciation which leads to gratitude.  The gratitude increases abundance –abundance of more things to be grateful for as well as abundance of SELF-LOVE!

Follow @inspe.co or @iamlaurenpurnell on IG and each day, starting February 1st ending on February 14th, there will be a suggested subject for you to post about.  There is no obligation to stick to the prompts they’re just to help get your creative juices flowing. Once you post the part about yourself that you love be sure to use the hashtag #inspeSelfLoveChallenge this will allow people to search the hashtag and see all the self-love floating around!

Not Your Momma's Podcast- 3 Part Goddess Series....Fellas you're welcome here too.

My fellow Bronx Bombshell, Stefanie Fuentes-Kumnipa of Better Life Choices New York, and I've decided to take our informative, uplifting, and raw convos to the airwaves.  Two women from different backgrounds come together with the common interest of empowerment and enlightenment.  I try to contain my crush on her long enough to make it through each episode. Guarantee you'll have one too. We are very rare. You want this. You need this. Obviously explicit content, come correct.  Click the pic to fall in love. 

xo,

L

Cherubs, it's G i N A

G i N A is a character I made up on snapchat and she's here to bring you the best in life lessons and love all the way from the Bronx baby.  If you want to be a "Sexy Cherub" all you have to do is tune in.  

Snapchat: yunginspy

xo.

It Was LIT!

Something epic happened on Sunday.

A vision I had in my head took physical form. The in-spē Board Event went down.

Beautiful souls gathered in the name of manifesting their dreams. All on the same wave pure love came from near and far to partake. I personally grew so much from the event and was reminded of what a beautiful tribe I have, my girls held it down with the assists (there were many). KK (thas mah best friend, you bedda!) flew in from the Chi only to spend her whole Saturday as "Tam" my personal bitch. She rode till the end to help me pull this off.  Baccios baby!

Below are pictures and finished products. There will be more. If you'd like to host a workshop holla at a playa!

I am the most grateful to all those who came to show and prove in the name of dreams! I am forever changed. XOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXO

Tracy G the Trilla-OG

Let me start this by saying THIS BITCH IS BOMB! 

I fired up "Love Vs. Lust Pt. 1" on my way to work yesterday and I fell in love (and listened to her whole set by the time I got to the Castle Hill stop on the 6 train, then passed the link to all my shorties). I fell in love with this fly chick's voice, sounding like an evening of Malbec and Ls. I fell in love with her wordplay and the rawity of it all. GLO ON BABYGIRL! I have a feeling one day our paths will cross and when they do I have the illest hug waiting for you. Thank you for sharing your growth, your love, and your light! 

Get familiar ya! -------> Here is her blog and you can catch her on Sway in the Morning. 

xo,
L

p.s. Katy put me on. Props where props are due.

Meet Madison!

Madison and I randomly met when she was my waitress during a really weird ass dinner. Despite the hilarious circumstances going on around us we connected and I can really say the Universe just KNOWS!  Madison has her own blog documenting her journey and she will be featured on inspe.co bc she is an authentic soul going through this journey and has the balls to write about it. Also, she's a model (not on the gram, a real one). You can find her HERE or below. Support a young blud. 

When I had college all set up, I decided to forget it and move to NYC. I knew that NYC was the place for me to be to accomplish my dreams. Starting my blog was a way for me to vent and talk to others away from home and around the world. Aside from blogging, I'm a dedicated yogi, Christian, singer, actor and dancer. What inspires me in life is not only my mother, the wonderful woman who pushed me to move to NYC, but also the idea of being able to make my dream a reality.

Welcome to New York...

I MOVED TO NEW YORK! ...And boy is it tough. The hardest part for me really is getting over that initial fear of being away from home the first time and not knowing who's out there and what the heck is coming your way. I figured since I got a free train ticket to New York, I was off to a pretty good start. In getting to New York, I thankfully had a friend that lived out here and was willing to let me stay until I found a place of my own. Arriving on a Sunday allowed me to settle in and plan for the week ahead; find a new bank(since the bank I had at home wasn't around in NY), find a job and find an apartment. I told myself I wouldn't become overwhelmed, but I think I doomed myself with that thought. Monday came and so began the stress. I went to a small housing agency in the city, figuring that that would be the best way to save my money from a scam off craigslist. The agency charged me $200 upfront for the finders fee. They told me finding a place was a guarantee. Taking an inch of hope, I was sent off right away to a place in Washington Heights. Unfortunately, the place was not what I was hoping for. So, I called back and tried again. By Thursday, after regretfully not taking an apartment I kind of liked and not finding any good place, I was feeling hopeless. Also realizing I just got scammed $200 because I was afraid of the craigslist creeper, made me even more upset. By Friday, I was feeling really down. I kept thinking "there's no way I'm going to find a place now and I'm going to just have to come home." I didn't want to come home, not only because I had only been there five days, but also because to me, that's giving up. My plan was to find a place by Saturday, so that way my mom would have the time off of work to come and bring my stuff up. Feeling more desperate than the welfare system, I decided to turn to the devil's advocate, Craigslist. I started looking and searching desperately into the late Friday night hoping someone would respond and give me a chance. After an hour, I stumbled upon an ad for an $800 room in the area I was looking in. There was a number left in the "reply" area, so I texted the number and hoped for the best. Thankfully, the woman responded, but to my dismay the room I wanted wasn't available. Luckily though, she did have a $600 room that was available for move in the next week. I told her I was interested and so she gave me the address. I couldn't believe what she had texted me...Have you ever felt the feeling of having your mind absolutely blown? Well, I felt that in an instant. After feeling so helpless, desperate and afraid, this woman saved my life! The address she sent me was the apartment next door to my friend's place (the place I had been staying in). I couldn't believe it.  So I asked the lady if I could call her and explain my situation. After our phone call, her daughter let me walk over and check out the place. Needless to say since this was like the biggest coincidence and craziest thing that has happened in like forever, I HAD to take the room. To me it is so crazy how life works. From Monday being so cheerful and ready to take on the week, to stumbling upon one of the worst Fridays of my life, to then being blissfully surprised to find an apartment on the last day I had any hope for finding a place. Life works in mysterious ways. I blame that on luck and mostly on the simple thought of it being God's plan. One lesson I've learned in my first week in New York is to never wait on an opportunity and to not be afraid to step out of your comfort zone and take a risk. I also learned to appreciate what my parents have done for me, but I won't give them that credit yet. I didn't take the opportunity to get that first apartment the agency showed me, but then again I wouldn't of found my new place. And I was afraid to try craigslist because I though of it being a scam, until I tried and it coincidently brought me to where I am today. Speaking of the scamming, I have to go and write my complaint on that agency now...

Pain is Inevitable- Suffering is a Choice


Thanks for reading this. Thank you for loving someone who is trying so hard to be better every day. Writing and sharing is the easiest way for me to authentically show you the shadow sides of me in hopes you can gain something from my lessons. If there is anything in your life that you aren't OK with, you can change it. I love you.

 

2 Western Doctors
3 Chiropractors
1 Acupuncturist
2 Psychic Mediums
1 Ayurvedic Doctor
2 Physical Therapists
1 Rheumatologist
Weight Loss
No Alcohol for 2 years
Ibuprofen
Vicoden
Detox
No Sugar Diet
Anti-inflammatory Oils
Massage
Anti-inflammatory Elixir
Natural Painkillers
Marijuana
Herbs
Prayer
Meditation
Heating Pad
Yoga
Reiki
3 Self-Help Books
Walking/Jogging
Begging God to take me out of my misery

None of those were the cure, but they gave me insight to the world of healing and how everything Mind, Body, and Spirit connects.  I learned about all different types of medicine and was exposed to many different wonderful people.  This was all after waking up one morning in 2007 at St. John’s, Manhattan Campus, and I could not bend down to put my pants on. I fought through it. I didn’t stay home from school. I limped to the shuttle and I mentioned how weird it was that I couldn’t bend down in passing. Yea I was really concerned with not being able to move out of terrible pain. I really valued my own well-being clearly.  I went about my day and life and just figured it would get better. It didn’t.

By summer break the pain in my back had changed to a shooting pain down the side of my leg.  I tried to ignore it. I never mentioned it. I assumed it would go away. Yea body crying shooting pains will just disappear noted. I didn’t take action until one day one of my friends looked me dead in the face and told me I was the laziest person he had ever met. I was shocked because that’s one thing I’m not. I asked why and he explained because everywhere we went I would always sit down. I would always find a place to sit. HAHAHA I would though, bike rack, tree stump, curbs, sprinkler system, small ass window sill, whatever I could find.  That was actually the first time I ever mentioned my pain since the first day. I told him it was because I had a really bad pain in my leg and I needed to rest. He understood and at that moment I decided I should tell my mom and go to the doctor. I went and they did an MRI. I had 2 herniated disks in my back. Cool shit. They gave me the options of pain killers (with my addictive personality I knew I’d be hooked for life), surgery (um I was in the prime of my going out years I wasn’t trying to be laid up esp. in the summer), or physical therapy. I took the later. Around this time I was poppin’ Ibuprofen like peanuts at a baseball game. I didn’t give a fuck that they weren’t working. The physical therapist gave me this big ass brace to wear and it actually helped a lot then it didn’t. So back to square one, I really still believed it would just go away. I was 22. 

 Ya see how that works...

Ya see how that works...

After I immersed myself in the wonderful world of healing and metaphysical I started to look deeper at my issue. By this time it had changed the way I lived. I had been going to different doctors for answers, but no one seemed to have a solution. I changed my lifestyle, still nothing. It was part of everything I did. I stopped participating in social events because I was afraid there would be nowhere to sit. I didn’t want to go to amusement parks and walk. I stopped wearing heels.  Most days I would just go straight home after work to just sit down. As a facilitator it would take everything in me to stand all day and be enthusiastic.  I started living a life of survival.  I would even stay late at work because I was dreading the walk to the train.  It was all so frustrating I would just lay in bed after work and cry.  I even started to convince myself I didn’t like going places. I didn’t. I was always in pain and my patience was short and I was constantly working on managing the pain instead of enjoying the moment. I even dreaded standing in weddings. Everything took a great amount of effort just to participate in, including life. Feeling like I had exhausted all options I started praying to die in my sleep. I would beg to die instead of waking up and going through another day in pain. He ain’t listen. I would stand on the train platform and think about jumping, but I was never sure the speed would be right to actually kill me so I didn’t risk just being mangled and left in worse condition than I started and alive nonetheless. I would also think of how it would affect my friend s’ who commute via train, and how messy it would be for the MTA staff. I decided to stick to begging the Lord to take me in my sleep.

I was this different person. I was impatient, irritable, and sad. I thought for a moment I’d have to quit my job because I didn’t want to have to stand.  I would ask myself, how can I have kids or go on hikes because it’s hard enough to just walk and carry myself through life let alone under strenuous conditions. Fuck.

 Then one day I decided something. Changing my lifestyle to accommodate a suckass condition was not the move. Heels or no heels this shit was excoriating so why not look good.  I didn’t quit my job because if I stopped focusing on it then maybe it would go away. If any of the few people who knew about the issue would ask I would just say it was great. The 'ol speaking it into existence trick. Plus, I didn’t want to have anyone feeling sorry for me. This kind of worked. I still had really terrible days and I had to drag myself most places with a smile on but I refused to surrender. I knew there was something that would work.

By this time I was very aware that all physical dis-ease and imbalance is a result of a mental and or emotional issue. I just couldn’t figure out what the issue was. I started going to therapy in hopes there was some trauma I had suppressed. I could just identify and release it and my back would be cured.  This whole time I am talking about my lower back but the pain is really all in my leg. The ‘ol leg folks. Therapy didn’t cure shit but I damn sure uncovered some other issues about myself. So now I’m still in pain and all my little issues are scattered on the table. I’m stuck.  All the way out here son.

Now here we are. This leg pain lead me to try numerous therapies, explore my inner self, and gain a better understanding of me. It also helped me identify what I really value in life, and those are the simple joys of standing in a kitchen cooking a meal and feeling excited, taking walks to just feel the sunshine, going to the gym after work, taking lunch instead of sitting at my desk all day in pain, etc.  Life is about enjoying it in a state of comfort and freedom. That shit is a huge gift in itself because so many of us exist through pain, discomfort, and disease. I became so frustrated with myself because I feel very strongly that we all create our own realities and I didn’t know how I had created such a shit show for myself. It was hard not to be angry with myself all the time. Ewww.

 So the catalyst of me sharing all of this is that I have finally found the CAUSE of the issue and I’m addressing it but on my way to finding the answer I have made so many other self-discoveries and to be honest I wasn’t seeking any of them. Some, I wish I would have been spared from because now I know I’m type insane and I wasn’t ready for all that. I still gotta live with myself, zamn zaddy.

I was lead to the root of the issue by way of this good fella I like to call the UNIVERSE.  It’s often I listen to podcasts during my commute and one was having a Shaman on to do readings for callers. I thought it was interesting because there are always messages for us in other’s lessons.  I listened and he mentioned he did work for free. Well fuckin’ right on man!  I contacted him and we set up a call.  I’ll spare you the details because they are hella personal but he brought up issues I never realized were issues. You know when something, albeit fucked up, seems normal to you because you didn’t know any different?  Yea, that happened a lot and I had just buried all these emotions and in turn created this huge belief there was a lack of support in my life.  Any issues dealing with the lower back are an indication of you feeling lack of support somewhere in your life. I felt that for a very long time and created huge barriers that didn’t even allow for anyone to get close to show me different. In fact I had been making it impossible for anyone to be supportive because I already had the idea in my head that this was the case so no matter who was there or what they did my reality wouldn’t have changed.  Whatever situations are happening in your life are a direct result of how you believe things to be for yourself. Know that. You are completely in control.  Of everything. 

 

So currently I am aware of the cause and working daily to release the old beliefs I’ve been carrying with me. The biggest part of releasing these emotions that have caused physical pain for so long is forgiveness. The Shaman gave me actions to take in working on this and I have been going hard. Awareness is the first step. The past full week has been one of huge self-growth and becoming aware of the parts of me that are not the most desirable but I am at the point I am grateful for the pain because without it I would have never ever dug this deep and be healed this completely in order to live a life beyond my dreams. I can now see how guarded I have been and how strongly I have been holding myself back from so many wonderful experiences. It was like my subconscious was so strong in feeling isolated and unsupported that my reality was like ohhhh you like being alone eh? You like to be shut in eh? Well we’ll make it easier on ya pal. And my physical reality became just that. CHRIST YO! But now I’m on the other side of all this. I’m 31 now so 9 years in the making G. This shit has consumed me every day.  Imagine how fire my projects are about to be now that I’m not dreading my existence?

I’m sharing this in case there is any dis-ease in you that you haven’t had the courage and or motivation to explore. I am here for all of it, if you ever decide to. I’ll give you the name of my Shaman, haha. 

This healing got me like....

XO, 

L