What In Samhell Is Goin' On Here?!

Before we really get into this let THE RECORD SHOW that I am in no way, shape, or form, telling you to do one ounce of what I have done, am doing, or will do. I hope my life serves as a constant reminder that you don't have to be doing anything anyone else is doing. Your path is just that, yours. There are so many memes and songs and videos of people PREACHING. Shit, not everyone is an entrepreneur, not everyone is tryin' to GRIND, and NO ONE really knows what the hell they're doing. So chill fam. Take a real step back and allow your higher self to guide you. Basically, don't follow me I'm lost too. We're just in this together.

Like to hear it, here it goes....

My life is pretty amazing. I've spent a lot of time working on myself and manifesting a really wonderful work environment. Check this vid to get a very small piece of what wonderful souls my days were filled with. 

So this is not on some I hate my job I'm out tip. This is I love this and it's so comfortable that I know I could wake up 15 years later and be here parlayin' still operating my brand on a part time basis tip so I have to take this leap.  

I'd planned to resign 2 other times before this one and the most recent was supposed to be last July. It was time people! 

As insane as this felt in some ways there was some part of me that just knew this was the right decision and I have been living off that confidence ever since I handed in my resignation. That one little sliver of "fuck fear, leap and the net will appear" is what has me here right now bustin' my journey wide for all to see.  

TBH I really didn't know what else to do. I mean I have worked for YEARS on different ventures and pursued different projects and done well but nothing really popped off. I was being true to myself in all of that but I have been constantly working, deadass, for 6 years straight. Working a 9-5 (and doing it well), serving as a union delegate, hosting events, teaching classes, coaching clients, making natural body products, creating content, writing 2 books, sharing my journey, sending in-spē out every morning, recording the podcast, etc. All while having a social life, a weird dating life, and working on my inner self. Bruh, WTF?! One day I just said "ENOUGH! I'm done doing all this shit and still living paycheck to paycheck.  -See I feel like there is this message in society that tells us "If you work hard enough you'll achieve your dreams." I say, "FUCK That!" The work it doesn't have to be hard it can be. It doesn't have to be. It's a sham. You mean to tell me that the man I knew who walked 40 minutes to and from a shitty job all his life didn't work hard enough? Because you just said if you work hard enough you'll achieve your dreams, right? Yea aiight then! Some people stay feeling like if they are stressed, busy, tired, and being punished by life they are somehow supposed to be looked up to. Nah, I'm not here for that. I'm here to look inside myself and find that confidence to do something different. See that in itself is a challenge and it's scary and it's lonely af. I feel all those things on a daily basis but I continue because the reward in all of this is that I am going for mine. I decided to stop this hampster wheel that I was on all in the name of this false, VERY FALSE, sense of security. That's why I'm here. I decided that this is my story, I'm 32 and one day I'd wake up at 60 and wonder why I never took the leap and would look back on myself-much like I do on old pics of myself now- and shake my head and say, "If I only knew how dope I was back then." 

This is also the first ever decision I've made 100% on my own. Now THAT was empowering af. Yea, in all my life I have truly never made a real life changing decision without someone else's input. I didn't even realize that until I was contemplating actually resigning and I decided not to consult anyone because I felt it opened the possibility to be more confused and I've learned you are the one who truly knows what's best for you. Even if no one else can see your vision, that's cool they aren't supposed to. Your windows to the soul are your windows to the soul. 

Food for thought: From the moment you can talk people ask you your name then any one of these questions depending your age- 

"How old are you?"
"What grade are you in?"
"What college do you go to?"
"What do you do?

That is how we learn to define ourselves and if we don't have an answer that fits inside that box you really question your worth and identity.  

Questions I've been asking myself in this first week of independence:
What DO you do?
Who are you without a job title?
What does this Lauren dress like?
What does this Lauren do during the day?
How does this Lauren conduct herself in public?

See when you don't have the possibility of loosing your job the world looks different. I didn't even realize how different b/c I've worked for someone since I was 12.  Every job title has made up a significant part of my identity. 

I'm still answering all those questions but it's fun! I feel like I am creating a new identity for myself that is not made with the influence of another.  That is ultimate freedom for me, someone who lived there life in fear of offending someone or being too much.  The possibilities are endless. 

One thing I am SURE of is that I'm not here to be normal or play small. I believe we live many lifetimes, that there are different dimensions, no such thing as time, that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and magik beyond our comprehension. So to be worried about this one move in my life is laughable. Nothing in my life has been ordinary thus far so I stopped trying to stuff myself into boxes and definitions. I is who I is I'ma be who I be. 

I wrote this to a dear friend when I was 15. She just found it and send this to me. UNIVERSE SPEAKS! 

I wrote this to a dear friend when I was 15. She just found it and send this to me. UNIVERSE SPEAKS! 

I'm sure I left a lot unsaid because I have been thinking of what I'm going to write for a week now and most of this isn't it hahaha. Please leave questions in the comments or send me the question through the 'Link Up' tab.  Thank you for reading. I love you.