I'd like to share a magical -yet humbling- moment I experienced on Tuesday morning.
The day following my last day of work I hopped on a plane to Ohio to visit my family. It was a a trip I planned prior to my decision and was a welcomed change of scenery. I wasn't sure what "the day after" would be like and I was happy to have a trip to distract me from my new day to day. During the trip I visited my sister, Leslie, and brother, Luke, at their office (they work together...I know, how dope?! I have hella FOMO). While I was there my brother jokingly said "This is a job do you know what that is?" -Let's take a moment...That shit was actually hilarious and we clown non-stop- I laughed but inside I was hella sensitive. You see my brother has created a really wonderful life for himself. I am so beyond happy for and proud of him for where he is and he's someone I really admire. He's a brilliant being, thriving in his career, married to a beautiful woman who is also his best friend, an amazing father to my heart in human form, handsome, with great friendships, he is out here doin' the damn thing! The kicker is that he is my younger brother and sometimes I fear that I disappoint him by living my truth which isn't always easily understood nor linear or even logical to most. I live in a constant state of the x-factor and endless possibility. I'm aware that this decision especially isn't something that people do often and people who love you can worry about your wellbeing. All in all there was this insecurity in me that was magnified with my recent choices. I felt like I couldn't explain myself well enough for anyone to understand and having the support and confidence of my siblings was really important to me. I just decided that one day it will all make sense and it wasn't my job to clarify it for others when I'm still working on it my damn self.
See now here's where the humbling comes in, the plot twist.
Fast forward to NYC on Tuesday morning (my first real day of being self-employed/freelance) and I get a text from my Luke:
Hahahaha "Wonderfully" aka "I'm here sitting on my couch wondering wtf do I even do now."
One thing I learned is to clarify, which is why I asked him if he's worried or just checking in. Like I said my sensitivity was heightened around this decision and brought up insecurities I hadn't been paying much mind to. I assumed he had been worrying about me because he didn't understand what I'm doing. Well damn son was I WRONG! I mean who am I to assume I know his POV or what he has seen or learned during his evolution? After listening to his voice note I felt like a real asshole, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and YA KNOW I CRIED! I felt so understood and comforted in that moment. I also felt damn humbled like "bitch, whatchu thought?!"
Have a listen:
Ya see, we often go through things as adults and continue to see our family members as they were when we were young. We assume we know their perspective based on what we knew of them as children and how we view their current life. My wish is that you get to know the family in your life, the ones you love, as they are NOW. What kind of people are they? What is their real story? Let them tell it. I'm sure it will surprise you. I, of course, will be doing the same.