I come in peace and gratitude.
Before you dig into this literary nourishment. Take a DEEP Breath with me.
INNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN & OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT
Thank you divine.
I’ve been on a constant path of growth and inner exploration since I met a woman named Mel about 7 years ago. She’s a psychic/medium/healer/teacher and I had a session with her. I went to see her with a group of friends, “just for fun” -the Universe giggles. I met her homeless (living on my bff’s couch in the Chi), single, cheated on, unemployed (I’d left my job and apt. in NYC to be closer to my long distance boyfriend who turns out was expecting a baby with another woman the same month I moved back), feeling like a failure with no motivation or direction. Little did I know it was just the illusion fading and my real life and purpose was beginning to show itself.
When we’re young most of our dreams are limited to our experience and it’s hard to hope for more than we know exists. My goal was to have a successful, mediocre relationship where we eventually stop caring about passion and our own wellbeing with the excuse of having children to worry about. I aspired to get a “good job” and eventually not have to work because my husband made enough for me to spend all my energy on home decor and running around with our kids. I measured success through material gain and sought satisfaction through “things”. I had no concrete hobbies. I didn’t think I was dumb but I would have never used “smart” or “intelligent” to describe myself back then. My worth as a womyn, as a human, was SOLEY based on what I could do for others. I was asleep.
I was devastated at the loss of my dream. I was “doing everything right” and it still went to shit.
Now I look back and REJOICE that the Universe conspired to save me from me.
Here I am 7 years later and my path is clearer than EVER before, yet I know there is major magic in store that I can’t even begin to fathom. This past year of my life more than any other I have recognized and honed my power. I have truly begun to CREATE a life built of the wildest dreams I can conjure. I explore all that I’ve been taught and I decide each day which societal norms serve me and which don’t then I do my best to follow my joy.
My birthday falls on Jan. 12th. A time when everyone is winding down from the busy, fun, hectic, and often traumatizing holiday season. January 12th is usually freezing or snowy in the places I’ve lived and it can feel like there are limited activity options. Some years my birthday has felt like a burden. Which could be why I’ve never really cared to make a big deal about it. People dragging themselves out to celebrate you on this specific day because it’s TRADITION and whomever doesn’t at least wish you happy birthday isn’t your real friend right?! hahaha STAHP. It took me 5 years to remember my best friend, Katy’s birthday and I celebrated it every year.
If you know me in real life you know I don’t put energy into anything our of OBLIGATION. So the pressure of celebrating people on a specific day has never sat well with me. It’s not that I don’t want to honor the homies it’s the message behind it. If I forget your birthday or don’t offer some grand gesture I somehow love you less? I couldn’t get with that.
I left the pressure of wishing people happy bornday on their actual birthday back in 2013, along with birthday dinners. I celebrate my loved ones all year round papa! I strongly believe in giving people their roses while they’re alive. You’re telling me, I have to act happy and excited and honor you that exact day because it’s the day you slid out the birth canal? What if I’m dealing with my own issues? what if I’m scrounging up change to feed myself? What if I’m going through a period of immense growth? What if I’m tired and need to rest that day? What if I….
I gave myself permission to step away from the pressure of other people’s birthdays so I surely don’t give a damn if you remember my birthday or not. I’m more concerned with how I feel in our relationship all year around.
Now that we have the background out the way let’s get to how I celebrated ME this year!
My personal healing and growth have taken me to new depths these past couple months. AKA - I BEEN GOING THRU IT! No, seriously. Wait for the tell all movie coming out next year. Growth is real yah. I’m on a constant path of evolution because what else is there to do here? I’ve been changing so much I dead ass thought about changing my name the other day. I was like “I’m really not her anymore.” But I realized I AM her it’s just up to me to let go of the definition of who Lauren was.
Things have been shifting rapidly to bring me into the life i’ve been dreaming of. In the last 2 months I have completely transitioned careers, continued to grow in my relationship, and separated more from societal norms as scary as that can be. I’ve been paving my own path more than ever. I’ve been learning at an accelerated level and I LOVE IT! Even though I chose this, some days it takes everything in me to hold myself together. As I’m rewiring my brain, clearing out old, limiting beliefs, and stepping up to new challenges despite my fear, and healing ancestral DNA I’ve often felt I’m hanging by a thread.
So truthfully pushing birthday plans was the last thing I was trying to do. I have so many blossoming projects and opportunities that forcing a celebration just because it was the 12th seemed daunting and counterproductive.
I live a life of gratitude and expect and receive miracles everyday, B. I’m in CONSTANT celebration. No for real, I celebrate EVERYTHING. I’m always toasting to something. I even celebrate things that haven’t happened yet in order to manifest them. I ain’t new to this I’m true to this. So the idea of celebrating my birth is cute and all but I don’t remember that. I have so many other things to celebrate myself for.
I purposely kept my birthday low this year. I didn’t speak about it. I didn’t want to make plans. Who was to say I’d feel like being around people on the 12th. I didn’t want to have to make an effort to be all smiley and jolly to save face in front of my beloved chosen family who braved the brick ass weather out of obligation for my bEARTHday. I wanted to wake up and do whatever I wanted. My to-do list is always jumpin’ and I’m on a constant quest to relax so what better day to float through than my day of birth?
I even debated marking the day at all this year because an easy way to practice reverse aging is to not count and focus on your age. bloop. bloop.
I spent my day in gratitude, enjoying my own fly ass company!
I woke up and I did 3 short meditations.
I laid in my bed and rested.
I smoked and chilled with some friends before they went off to an exhibit.
I ate some toast -hahaha all I had in my fridge because I hadn’t gone to the market.
I responded to birthday wishes thoughtfully.
I cleaned my room and showered.
I did my hair all fly!
I received thoughtful and useful presents!!!!
I started to stain the V-steam box.
I realized staining the V-steam box was a bigger project for another day and cleaned up.
I blasted music and got ready to go to a friend’s house.
I rescheduled with the friend because I took too long getting ready and she had to be somewhere.
I made myself a drank and watched Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.
I responded to birthday wishes thoughtfully.
I took hella selfies and pics of myself.
Sent some pics to my boyfriend who was out of town.
I bought 2 scratch offs and some spearmint gum.
I took myself to a spot on my block, ordered a bud light, and wrote all the accomplishments I could remember from the last year.
I enjoyed my own company.
I went home and had vegan treats with Sis and watch Frida for the first time.
I passed out.
Happy bornday to moi!
This whole thing is a really long ass way to say that a birthday means nada to me. My accomplishments year round are what make my life rich. The “normal” days are my favorite because we’re less likely to be forcing magik so it’s more likely to appear. I thrive under the radar and always have. I celebrate and love me more each day and the list below are many of the things I’ve celebrated the past year.
I encourage you to do the same. CELEBRATE YOURSELF EVERYDAY. We miss so many treasures focusing on the designated days of celebration. Kill all that noise. You define your life. If you love celebrating your birthday, slé on slétte! If birthdays make you sad or feel pressured switch it up! Simply put, do you boo boo.
Love you. - L
Here is what I remember of my past year. Reflecting on this makes me feel so empowered and reminds me how RICH my life is. The visuals are below. Ex-Oh.
Maintained a happy and peaceful home in the middle of NYC.
Got to Green status on the Nike Run App
Meditated more than ever before.
Signed on 3 new LLCs
Started my Vaginal Steam Practitioner Certification
Conceptualized Sound Park Digital
Flourished in my relationship
Maintained a consistent healing practice and sessions with Guinevere
Grew my hair 5 inches
Rekindled, strengthened, and created friendships
Bought a car
Became part of a a whole new family
Hosted a reverse aging webinar
Quit smoking cigarettes
Dealt with betrayal and loss
Secured bags with HolisticHousewives™
Wrote my first clinical paper and blew it out the water
Painted my room black
Took my first roadtrip with my pookie bear
Welcomed 2 nieces into the world
Sold handmade products to happy customers
Apologized for my mistakes and took ownership of my fuckery
Ran in the hot ass sun, struggling in front of my man
Said no like 27 times to things that weren’t a “Hell Yes”
Cried about 500 times
Got continuing education hours
Survived trap houses
Built a V-steam box with my dad
Hung velvet curtains
Introduced my boo thang to pedicures
Put hundreds of people on to new methods of healing and flourishing
Hosted dinner parties
Hit the gym OD
Visited the Chi w le BEST
Got gifted a trip to SEDONA <3
Learned to cornrow
Learned to knit
Had my first poké bowl
Ate snapper for the first time
Made lobsta puffs
Wrote a book
Self published a book
Sold a book
Hosted meditations of all kinds
Filed with the Untitled Action Bronson Show twice
Got my feet rubbed
Flourished @ family parties even when I was TWISTED
Took my love to central park for the first time
NYMP Happy Hour
Grilled on Himalayan salt blocks
Cultivated more communication with my parents
Ate hella bagels. Found the best bagel in NYC.
Made rosewater and taught others to make rosewater
Went to the beach
Had a cousins photoshoot
Put you all on to frozen watermelon
Had CDB coffee
Learned all about CBD isolate and got a connect
Grew a garden
Started night runs
Got major muscle definition in my arms!!!
Got beautiful flowers
Spoke up in my relationship
Advocated for myself in all areas of my life
Helped plan the Royal Fam Reunion and brought my man
Ate octopussy with bae
Had bomb ass french onion soup and crabs
Revamped my wardrobe
Celebrated the winter solstice
Meditations in the salt cave
Had baby bananas for the first time
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